


Cruel

by Erwin_Smith



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Rivetra Week, its all i know how to write, more saddness, rivetra, rivetra week day 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 12:58:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13590522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erwin_Smith/pseuds/Erwin_Smith
Summary: He thought of himself as cruel after the decision he made. Levi would learn to forgive himself one day.





	Cruel

**Author's Note:**

> Still on time with this one! Yay! Day 2 of Rivetra Week.
> 
> Enjoy!

Levi sat alone at his desk in his quarters. His head was lowered as he looked at the wings of freedom patch he held between his fingers. He retrieved the patch while the bodies were being collected. One side of the patch was stained with blood. Its irony smell was obvious. Of course the smell would be there. It was foolish to think it wouldn’t be. It was quite a few hours ago when they got back from the expedition. The failed expedition. The Female Titan was still out there. Eren was nearly captured. The titan killed many. She took away Levi’s whole squad. Even the one he loved.

Love was such a strong, foreign word for Levi. It was not something he thought about often. It was a word he rarely ever said. When Petra came along everything changed. He fell for her pretty quickly. There wasn’t much not to like about her. She wasn’t an annoying brat and she didn’t get on his nerves. She was always doing what she needed to do and didn’t act up. She was beautiful and caring.

Love was a word Levi was afraid of saying to her. At a time like they were in, love was supposed to be the last thing they thought about when it came to a special person. The world was a cruel place.  _ Levi _ was a cruel person.

Cruel was all he saw of himself after what he did; his idea. He was humanity’s strongest. He could have killed the abnormals that were chasing them on their way back to the walls with one powerful striking blow to their napes. The ground was too flat to use the gear, but Levi would have done what he could. He would have had to manage. Injured leg and all. He clenched his teeth.

Instead, he ordered for the bodies to be dumped.

_ These aren’t special. Dump them. It’s their last service to the cause. _

Levi cursed himself for looking back when he did. When Petra’s body was pushed from the cart, the first thing he saw was her face. Her beautiful angelic face tainted by blood. The cloth that was wrapped around her body slipped from around her head. Levi got to watch as her honey blond hair floated and fluttered in mid air before she collided with the ground. He remembered the sound her body made when it hit the ground. It sounded heavy. It was a sound he didn’t need to hear.

Levi sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth and held the patch tighter until his fingers and hands quivered. He swore under his breath and felt dreaded tears pave a fresh path over his cheeks.

He didn’t hear when the doorknob was turned and the door pushed opened. The actions were done so quiet that the sound of his sobs masked them. The soft sound of boots walked across the floor and approached the desk. “Levi.”

Levi hesitantly looked up and met the gaze of Erwin. Worry lined his face and he looked wore out. “It wasn’t your fault,” Erwin added.

“I could have done anything else. I could have taken them down. You know I could have. Damn it! I went with the first bloody instinct that came to me.” Levi’s voice was shaky. He slammed his fists on the desk in frustration.

“Trying to eliminate the abnormals that were advancing on us would have been a big risk to take. We weren’t in a great area to change to maneuver gear,” Erwin said. “You took the option that you thought would save more lives. We made it back because of your idea. They— _ She _ wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. If somehow she would have survived that hit, she wouldn’t have wanted everyone’s lives at risk. I think she would have sacrificed herself.”

Levi wiped furiously at his eyes with his jacket sleeve, sniffling. He didn’t say anything in response. Levi wasn’t even able to tell her father what happened to her. Mr. Ral started rambling on about...about  _ marriage _ and...and… Levi’s breathing wavered. Erwin moved around to Levi’s chair and placed his hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly.

“Her father mentioned marriage,” Levi whispered. “Petra wanted to dedicate her life to me.”

Erwin continued to rub his back. He held his breath for a few moments before letting it out slowly. Levi lowered his hands and placed the badge on the desk. He put his head in his hands and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Levi,” he said lightly. “Try to get some rest. Take tomorrow off if you need to. I can come back later with some food and tea if you’d like.”

Levi nodded faintly, a muffled, “Thank you,” escaped through his fingers. Erwin gave Levi’s back a light pat, then lowered his hand and made his way back to the door. Levi heard the click as Erwin closed the door behind him.

The Captain didn’t know if he needed a day off. He was always able to pull himself together whenever something happened. This was different, though. It had been a long time since he lost anyone close to him. Lost to the cruel world and a cruel decision.

Levi would learn to forgive himself one day.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback/kudos!
> 
> Tumblr: [commander-erwin-smith](http://commander-erwin-smith.tumblr.com)


End file.
